The Past, The Present, The Trauma

18 Mar, 2026

I'm in an archival mood, feeling vaguely paperlike. Fragile. But cutting if you run your finger the wrong way. I am in this mood for 3 reasons:

1. I realized that my old LiveJournal export is sitting in a series of structured XML files in a forgotten archive.
2. I remembered that Day One, the journaling tool I use to print out my yearly writing, has a JSON structure to it.
3. I am becoming adept at using AI tools to accomplish structured, repetitive tasks as the world descends into a self-immolating cycle of burning resources to create slop, and I am forced to join it if I wish to maintain health insurance.

In a matter of minutes, I was able to construct a utility that parses my old LJ export and converts it into the correct structure to drop into Day One, including reconstructing old links to try to find images from 20 years ago that may still exist in the internet archive or elsewhere.

Gaze upon its churning

i am astounded
i am frightened

What occult disaster am I predicating upon the world in my hubris to understand myself marginally, infinitesimally better? Maybe I should care but, All Reading Eye, the scab... Picking at the scab is so delirious an ecstasy that, maybe, just maybe you and I can fall into the void together...

The cursed timeline

I reconstructed the journey from Then until Now where "now" is whatever platform you are reading this on. Contemporary to my fingers on these keys, that is Bearblog.Dev (but still using Angrybunnyman.com [as is tradition]) but what may yet unfurl, obscured to me, is to be determined. Suffice that the timeline I know of, now, is thus and its cast of malignant narcism follows:

The timeline of Ill Repute

• ~1998 — Paper diary; abandoned after stepbrothers kept breaking the lock
• ~1999–2001 — OpenDiary.com, as EverSilent then Lysander (last two years of high school)
• ~2001–2002 — DeadJournal, ~3 months, at start of college
• 2002–2019 — LiveJournal as Angry Bunny Man (later ABMann from ~2008); ~17 years, ~6,000 pages
• ~2008 — Photography blog era; blog.abmann.net; 365 self-portrait project on Flickr
• 2011 — Day One begins (Instagram auto-log via IFTTT)
• 2012 — Day One main Journal starts
• 2015–2019 — Day One splinters into 10+ specialized journals; Ulysses for long-form drafts
• 2016 — Virtue journal begins (still active)
• 2019 — LJ account purged; full archive exported; Day One backup/migration point
• 2023 — Obsidian becomes primary PKM layer; Day One and Obsidian run in parallel
• 2025–present — Bear (bearblog.dev) as public blog; Day One for daily/emotional practice; Obsidian for knowledge and work

Seeing my life condensed into eras is exhilarating. Maybe terrifying? Maybe not... As someone who has been obsessed with mortality since .

My father died suddenly in 2016 — see the "Au Situ¹" Journal that I wrote in for 3 years after. Because of it I think often about what I will leave and all this writing, this writing right here...

...is the "only" artefact I think I'll have² at the end of time. If that's useful, I don't really know. It certainly makes me feel better. And being able to trace this across time grounds me in actual reality as opposed to the fleeting moments within the rapidity of adult life.

Evolution

Things evolve. Us. Technology. AI. There's no way around it. I don't like that I'm "required" to work through AI. Yet. Maybe... Someone will write a little eldritch ditty and wonder where it came from. And I will be there, in the cosmos, laughing...

because that's how they bring me back

• 31 Mar, 2026 status 0331

  I'm doing a great job making my lil status drawer harder to maintain that it likely needs to be

• 31 Mar, 2026 You’re Still a Designer, You Magnificent Fool

  in which our hero warns you that speed just means you can fall harder further away from the right place

• 29 Mar, 2026 when everything breaks, do it yourself

  in which our hero will do it live

• 26 Mar, 2026 status 0426

  It's not lost on me that my way of regulating after a day stuffed with meetings is to talk to AI for some side projects. I talk to robots to recuperate from people....

Footnotes

#me #writing